


My Brother is a Fucking Cryptid

by Lord_Berkut



Category: Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02
Genre: Jun is finally over Matt, Koi is trying her best, Like I needed another one, Lotsa spoilers. Read at ur own risk. Not just for this fandom, Multi, Post-Digimon Adventure tri., Ryo is a thundering bisexual change my mind, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Suprise! No one actually dies! Because Sam is the one who died and is still dead!, This just in matt is a gay furry, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2020-05-19 22:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19365373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Berkut/pseuds/Lord_Berkut
Summary: 1 dead brother +15 unstable digidestined +1 heartbroken girlfriend+ 1 chat room. What could go wrong?Everything





	1. Sam makes a grave mistake

  1. **Winchester has created a new chat!**



 

**Winchester has added 14 to the chat!**

 

Fukboi: Why is a group chat being made? This person is dead so the phone number shouldn't be used!

 

Barbie: The grave is pissed off for your poor studying skills.

 

Winchester: Oh how close you are....

 

Prodigious: So... Aliens got a hold of an old phone number...

 

Mimiku: Or it got reassigned?

 

Prodigious: But everyone in this chat is a digidestined. Even Willis and Meiko are here.

 

Fish: Except me. I only really know Ken and Ryo....

 

Winchester: I'm waiting until everyone else is online

 

Mimiku: @MeiMei @Wolfybass @Soarin2newheights

 

Wolfybass: The fuck is this?

 

IN AMERICA: I'm glad someone remembered me! :3c

 

Miyamiya: Pull that shit again Wallace and we're having a funeral OwO.

 

ShiningHope: but your contradicting yourself.

 

Kendo: Why can't I mute this?

 

TheLight: Yeah I'm trying to study.

 

**Rockhead has sent image!**

 

Rockhead: I made homemade ramen! Noodles from scratch!

 

Barbie: Is that everyone?

 

TheLight: We're still missing Joe,Tai and Sora I think, based on the usernames.

 

MeiMei: And Me! 030/

 

Barbie: That's creepy as fuck.

 

Wolfybass: Is anyone here a doctor?

 

DrKido: I Am!

 

Wolfybass: Well your my nerd of a boyfriend!

 

ShiningHope: U 2 R DATING?!?!?!!

 

ShiningHope: @Soarin2NewHeights

 

ShiningHope: THE DOCTOR IS IN AND HE IS STEALING YOUR MAN

 

Soarin2NewHeights: So? Not my problem.

 

Winchester: This is taking too long. America is better at soccer than Japan

 

Taichi: THE FUCK!?

 

**Winchester has sent an image**

 

Winchester: I lived bitch.

 

Barbie: SAM WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THIS!?

 

Winchester: I've been dealing with discount Rita Repulsive. The girls in the back are friends Koi. Silver girl is Eir and suspicious lookalike is Shade.

 

Fukboi: SAM AND KOI WERE DATING!?

 

Fish: For several months. It was more so puppy love back then so... Now? I think it's actual love.

 

Fukboi: brb gonna go sing my heart out and possibly fall off a roof.

 

Fish: Please no Ryo. Your one of my only friends in this chat 

 

Rockhead: DO IT COWARD

 

Winchester: I fucked up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam explains a lot of shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more context for this chapter see This is So Sad, Azura Sing Lost in Thoughts All Alone, Chapter "The One with the Brotherly Reunion." It will explain a lot of the Ken and Sam stuff, and that stories previous chapter about why he's in Askr with Eir

Private Chat (Sam+Ken)

Ken: Where were you all of my life when we all called you dead? Why didn't you snap me back to my senses and not have my best friend killed by my own hands!? I AT LEAST EXPECTED AN IM SORRY FOR CAUSING SO MUCH GRIEF FOR MOM AND DAD!

 

Sam: The thing is... I had no control over me being able to say I'm sorry. Half of the time I was "dead" was Persephone getting me this shell and making it into me. The next 4 years were upgrades and making sure it goes smoothly, and after that I've been protecting someone.

 

Ken: YEAH YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT YOU DUMPED KOI FOR! IF YA WANTED TO JUST STAY FRIENDS YOU SHOULDVE TOLD HER!

 

Sam: No. I didn't dump koi. I kept my promise.

Sam has sent image

 

Sam: You see this Pikachu ring? I've had it all this time. This is the promise ring me and Koi exchanged. She has a Meowth one. We gave it to each other for our relationship. I even asked Persephone to put it on my shell because I wanted to keep her promise. I WOULDNT DESTROY MY BEST FRIEND LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE. The car accident was an accident for a reason. I was trying to save you. And this is the thanks I get? Absolutely disgusting.

 

* * *

Private chat (Sam+Koi)

Sam has sent image!

 

Sam: I kept it. Specifically even asked for the person making my robotic shell to put it on back on. 

 

Koi: But why haven't you told me!? Do you know how much I've suffered!?

 

Sam: I've been trying to tell you for years. I've just been predicting Eir for so long I haven't been able to find any sort of way to message you.

 

Koi: When u get back here you owe me so much doll time. Especially now that u don't need to breath.

 

Sam: Fine but I'm guessing you understand?

 

Koi: It's like ur phone being dead.

 

 Koi: For 7+ years

* * *

Little Nibs chat (TK+Kari+Ken)

 

Ken has sent 3 images

 

Ken: Did I do the right thing?

 

Kari: U have a right to be angry

 

TK: but u didn't need to destroy him like that

 

Ken: Still pissed u 2 left me and the others for dead and went to go suck Meiko's dick.

 

TK: We're still trying to make up what we can do to make it up. Sorry ;-;

 

Ken: At least u apologized unlike a certain someone.


	3. Ryo is secretly Pearl, a theory by Shouto T.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No shoto isn't getting involved, it's a joke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven universe spoilers!

Fish: <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KvVz1SHgtfM>

Fish: Look what I caught Ryo singing.

 

Kendo: So he's the asshole.

 

Miyamiya: Did Cody just swear?

 

Kendo: I have a right. He's been interrupting my kendo and prayer sessions for at least a month straight.

 

ShiningHope: And my sleep. 

 

Wolfybass: He gets how he got with Ken where he punched the poor kid in the face without his sleep.

 

ShiningHope: @Winchester your brother gave me a scar from his whip.

 

Winchester: Kinky ;)

 

ShiningHope: It isn't.

 

Winchester: So I've read the chat from today and wow. He's that gay for me? Thought the thundering bisexual couldn't go any lower.

 

Barbie: I am afraid. Not of the whip situation but of what Ryo would do to me. Or Koi. 

 

Winchester: Like I get it but I don't reciprocate feelings in that way I guess? I'm straight, possibly ace???? So I understand where he comes from but I can't reciprocate bc I don't see him romantically only platonically????

 

MeiMei: Valid. I'm lesbian.

 

Wolfybass: Me and Joe are gay so the ace is totally valid.

 

Koi: Still love him platonically and romantically. So I don't give much of a shit.

 

Rockhead has added ArcticFangirl!

 

Rockhead: My sister is now a digidestined -_- and here I thought I had something unique.

 

Wolfybass: Jun the answer is no. I'm gay. 

 

ArcticFangirl has changed 4 names!

 

Greg: Ok then.

 

The Steven: This is fine.

 

Rose Quartz: How many of you haven't seen A Single Pale Rose?

 

Kendo: I don't care. 

 

Rose Quartz has changed their name!

 

Pink Diamond: Much better

 

Greg has changed their name!

 

Blue Diamond: Ok this is great.

 

ArcticFangirl: @SaltyPorl sing for her, make her feel better.

 

IN AMERICA: Yes my diamond. Ahem.

 

IN AMERICA: @MeiMei AHEM!

 

MeiMei: Uh... Oh...

 

MeiMei: <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zkoDKB_UGqw>

 

SaltyPorl: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS CHAT!!!!???? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name changes
> 
> Koi: Fish>Greg>Blue Diamond
> 
> Ken: Barbie>The Steven
> 
> Sam: Winchester>Rose Quartz> Pink Diamond
> 
> Ryo: Fukboi>SaltyPorl
> 
> ArcticFangirl is Jun fyi


	4. The one where Danganronpa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something I just picked up on via Digimon Amino

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some heavy Danganronpa V3 spoilers

ArcticFangirl: @Pink Diamond Istg don't let your bro play Danganronpa.

 

Blue Diamond: And??? He's already watched the ova adaptation. And cried.

 

Blue Diamond: So did I. A lot.

 

ArcticFangirl: No like I'm almost done w the V3 main story and the Supreme Overlord just got brutally crushed to death and the screams of pain sounded exactly like Ken when he broke. At least according to my brother. He thought his Bf was dying.

 

The Steven: Isn't that where I get killed by Space Ryu?

 

Blue Diamond: Shit.

 

The Steven: how do you think I feel?

 

TheLight: Looked into it and yeah there's a reason for that. Ken and overlord wannabe are voiced by the same person.

 

 Blue Diamond: Friendly reminder in that game Rinea was the actual mastermind and Leon died to save everyone. Can I get an Oof in the chat?

 

Wolfybass: *cries in gay*

 

Prodigious: *cries in you assholes spoiled it for me*

 

Blue Diamond: T̶̩̦̞̀̉͂̋͂͆̉̾͊͆͊ ̷̤̪̫̠͖̺͕̖͕̭̜̊̈́̄̽͛͂͊͌̾̓̔̆̕͠H̴͈͖̹̺̺̤̮̮̲́͊̑͗̐͛̋̐̈̃̏̅͘ ̴̡͎̠͎̞̯͉̺̩̠̘̭͍͖̤̌̋̀̊͑̏̍̈́̚͘E̵̫͔͈̘̺͈͍̺͂ ̵̡̼̯̘̣̱͕̪̜͚̱̰͇̠͖̊͊͐̇͑̈́̃͘͠N̶̢̡̤͈̼̤̫̩̤͛͐̀̆͛́̂̓̓ͅ ̸̨̢̛͓͖͍̠̣͇̝́͗͗̃̈́̀͑̌̆͂͝P̸̯̞̞̻͋̏̐̈͌̋̿̇̌͂͜͜͝ ̷̮͕̪͗̒͠E̷͖̥͇̳̰̝̫͖̲͕̓̃̈́́̚ ̶̢̨̛̛̣̼͔̥̭̺̫̜̥͋̔͜R̷̩̖̺̥̹̦̫͂̓̐͛̑̊͂̍̏̓̈́̃͆͌̕ ̷̡̲̦̞̰͇̬͕͙͖̬̘͎͂͊͜ͅİ̷̢̛̱̝̪̳̰̻̪̿̃̓̇̐̏̎̽̿̕ ̴̹̓̿̄̅͝Ş̵͍̝̮̦̯͔̳̙̥̳͛́̄ ̸̧̧̧̟͚̭̮̬̲̩̯̙̱̍̋̀̌͐̈́͌͊͜͜H̴̨͓̦̖̣͎̙̖̬̬̓̈͐̊̃̄̾̚͜͝͠͠ͅ 


	5. This Just In: I rant about Tri via the 02 kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm still fucking pissed about Tri and so is Ken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for tri? If you haven't picked up on it this long, I'm shocked

**Private Chat (Ken+Tai)**

Ken: I am very disappointed in you. 

 

Tai: 

 

Tai: What did I do this time?

 

Ken: You know exactly what the fuck you did you rejected Ash clone.

 

Tai: Did I eat the mochi Kari made for you????

 

Ken: 

 

Ken: That's not it jackass. 

 

Tai: Then why are you being so hostile???? Is the dark spore going haywire again???

 

Ken: 

 

Ken: How fucking braindead are you???? Do I have to spell it out???? YOU FUCKING ABANDONED ME AND THE OTHER NEW GENERATION TO SUCK MEIKO'S MINDCONTROLLING CLIT! YOU CLAIMED TO FUCKING CARE BUT YOU DIDN'T. I WOULD'VE AT LEAST EXPECTED YOUR SISTER TO COME TO THE DIGITAL WORLD TO LOOK FOR ME SINCE SHE WAS BASICALLY EXPERIENCING EVERYTHING NEW JUST LIKE US BUT NOOOOO. I NEARLY GOT FUCKING KILLED, EXPERIMENTED ON AND OTHER TRAUMAS BEFORE YOU AND REJECT PYTHON WALKED THE FUCK RIGHT IN ON ACCIDENT AND SEEMED HORRIFYED. IT'S LIKE NO SHIT ASSFACE I DIDN'T NEED THE EXTRA LIFETIME SERVING OF TRAUMA I HAD FUCKING ENOUGH OF IT WITH THE DARK SPORE AND MY BROTHER DYING TO PROTECT ME, AND I BELIEVED IT WAS MY FAULT FOR 5+ YEARS ALL WHILE PEDOPHILE GIOVANNI HAD HIS EYE ON ME AND I WAS BASICALLY A PUPPET TO ALL THESE LEGACIES AND THEN RYO'S STUPID ASS DRAGGED ME INTO THE DIGITAL WORLD AND HIS CREEPY SCALY YANDERE NEARLY KILLED ME WITH THIS FUCKING PARASITE AND WHEN I FINALLY FIND HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE BECAUSE OF MY NEWFOUND FRIENDS, YOU FUCKING ABANDON ME TO DIE IN A DIGITAL OUTREALM WHERE I HAVE NO CONTACT WITH MY FAMILY, WHO HAVE ALREADY ENOUGH ON THEIR PLATE GRIEVING FOR MY BROTHER AND THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'VE GONE MISSING SO YEAH I'M FUCKING FURIOUS YA FUCKING ASSHOLE. 

 

Ken: 

 

Tai: But we do care! We would've looked for you if we hand't been flanked by the virus! 

 

Ken: 

 

Ken: The one MEICOOMON caused? Yeah if ya hadn't gotten involved with ms mary sue over there we all would've been just FUCKING FINE. 

 

Tai: 

 

Tai: We didn't mean it. 

 

Ken: kys

 

_**Ken has left the chat** _

 

Tai: Well Fuck. 

 

* * *

**Private Chat (Ken+Koi)**

_**Ken has sent 4 screenshots** _

 

Ken: I fucked up. 

 

Koi: Damn. If I had access to the digital world without your brother i'd come for you asap. But telling him to kill himself? not cool. especially since we're the depression/anxiety solidarity duo. 

 

Ken: It's just I felt so damn angry that I just let it explode all over. I'm not angry at Meiko, just a little miffed. Like with T.K. and kari. At least they tried to get in contact with my parents. I'm not even sure if i can even get help for this... 

 

Koi: Just wait like a couple days for both of you to cool off and apologize? Also I'm gonna be over in like an hour. Currently approaching the library to get some psychology books. If you 4 can't get professional help then dammit I'm gonna become the person you need. I just feel really shitty I couldn't protect you. I made a promise to your brother to keep you safe and I couldn't

 

Ken: Look, you are the person the 4 of us are the least mad at, aka we're not mad at you at all. You didn't know about the digital world until recently, aka after the fact. I appreciate you doing this for us. You can't blame yourself for something you couldn't know about. 

 

Koi: Out of the library, do you want me to swing by a convience store or something? Or get the other 3? I just want all of you to be somewhat healed from before, and I know you need a bit extra time because of all the shit you went through and it just made you bitter and self depricating. 

 

Ken: Can you get me some gummy bears, I'll pay you back. As for the others? I'd like to at least get through my issues first before we get to the Alphamon incident so we're all on some sort of same page basis so you don't have to worry. I appreciate the sentiment. You actually care about us and I'm glad for it. You're genuine and I wouldn't change it for anything.  


	6. Cody and the Goblin Hobos he calls friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally figured out my own problem to get this to show the correct date

Kendo: I am now in possession of a credit card.

 

Rockhead: ???? HOW

 

Kendo: Oikawa left it in his will for my father but since he's deader than Sam should be, they passed it down to me.

 

Kendo: What should I do with it?

 

Pink Diamond: First of all, OOF.

 

The Steven: Spend his money. 

 

Kendo: That seems wrong. There's things like debt and interest rates I'm gonna have to worry about.

 

Blue Diamond: At least it was the responsible one who got the credit card and not any of us gremlins.

 

MiyaMiya: Looked into it and appearantly he was like one of the richest people in Japan.

 

Rockhead: How rich we talking? 

 

MiyaMiya: Enough to make Wario look homeless.

 

Blue Diamond: HOW!?

 

MiyaMiya: No one knows exactly. Some say his scaring kids buisness, others his computer science degree. Makes sense for him to have a degree since he was obsessed with the digital world.

 

ArcticFangirl: Did they give you the PIN number?

 

Kendo: Yes.

 

Taichi: GET IN NERDS WERE GOING SHOPPING 

 


	7. Smashketball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No seriously this is an actual minigame in ultimate I modified from 4 for Ultimate except with more unique mechanics like Beastballs as well

SaltyPorl: Should I be concerned about the maniacal cackling from Yolei's apartment?

 

_**MiyaMiya is online** _

 

 

MiyaMiya: Nah, it's normal.

 

_**Blue Diamond is online** _

 

Blue Diamond: She finally got the apartment to herself for the weekend so she invited us over (and Sam somehow got here idk but we appreciate him being here). I brought over my switch and smash ultimate, and everyone has their own controllers (minus Sam but I keep extras around in case batteries die and the like). So I brought up my smashketball stage I've been play testing with the other girls and just everything went wrong at once. 

 

Blue Diamond: I'm not sure what's funnier, T.K. calling Sam  a "Melee Faggot" for trying to abuse Ice Climbers like in the old days, Sam being constantly disappointed by Yolei's inability to play Mewtwo, Cody not having any idea what's going on and somehow getting 3rd, Ken ending up out first as Snake with the most Snake like disappointment on his face or me getting Kenneth Sidewalk Brawl and dying first all while Davis is making South Park jokes. 

 

_**The Steven is online** _

 

 

The Steven: So get your bitch ass overhere and bring the tamers trio. We need snacks. 

 

The Steven: Also I swear at this point where I feel like I am going to become Snake via all this trauma. Looking a shit ton older than I actually am. 

 

_**SaltyPorl has changed 1 name** _

 

Dick Joke: Disgusted, I am revolted, I spend my entire life dedicated to our lord and savior, No Pants Marth and this is the thanks I get!? 

 

Pink Diamond: Change it back fuckboi

 

_**SaltyPorl is offline** _

 

 ****Blue Diamond: Dammit I wanted cheese balls.


	8. Is talking about a double erection with kids techically cp?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The answer is morally ambigous since these kids are fictional and like only 2 or 3 are still "kids"

Taichi: So... 

 

Taichi has sent [a video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_rW9SjDfAU)

 

Dick Joke: I am not Lelouch

 

Mimi: Was the sex scene intentional???

 

MiyaMiya: Whatever it is, I did not have a dick grafted on me.

 

Rockhead: So what is technically the chances of a double erection

 

Pink Diamond: Depends, with voltage, with two seperate people or with Seteth?

 

Rockhead: Who's Seteth?

 

Blue Diamond: A dragon that's taken human form so he's got 2 dicks like a snake. 

 

Rockhead: In the context of the video...

 

Pink Diamond: Well with voltage, the only chance of that is if you get someone into pain play like Ephraim... With two different people, the chance is rare since people have different limits, but if you give a hand job to two different people at once there's still a chance.

 

Blue Diamond: Also I am dissapointed with how y'all got shitty aim. Or the dildo cannon. Because Richter now wants one according to Sam which I am super confused how there's a goddamn Belmont in Askr. 

 

Pink Diamond: Well if it makes ya feel better, him and Alucard are dating.

 

Blue Diamond: Not really, but it's nice to know. Seriously, a Belmont can get in but not the chick who's traveled dimensions? What the hell.

**Author's Note:**

> Chat names 
> 
> Winchester: Sam
> 
> Barbie: Ken
> 
> Fukboi: Ryo
> 
> Fish: Koi
> 
> Rockhead: Davis
> 
> MiyaMiya: Yolei
> 
> MeiMei: Meiko
> 
> IN AMERICA: Willis
> 
> Kendo: Cody
> 
> DrKido: Joe
> 
> Wolfybass: Matt
> 
> Taichi: Tai obv. Couldn't think of a better name
> 
> Prodigious: Izzy
> 
> Soarin2NewHeights: Sora
> 
> Mimiku: Mimi
> 
> TheLight: Kari
> 
> ShiningHope: TK


End file.
